Google your name, and write down the first webpage link name that makes grammatical sense and is relevant or just pick the funniest one on the first page of results.
(credit to Daron)

1. Google “(your name) needs”:

Daryl has a lovely, gentle disposition and is great with kids. ... Now neutered and up to date on all shots, Daryl needs a permanent loving home with ...
(I need a permanent loving home. D: *ignores neutering*)

2. Google “(your name) looks like”:

Daryl Hall looks like a lion.
(on bad hair days.)

3. Google “[your name] likes”:

Daryl Likes To Video Us Singing "I Must Be Emo". by KOR-DAYYYY!.
(RWAR.)

Steve; Posted; Daryl likes coffee, vacuum tubes, and drums. I'm not sure how those things relate, but you could ask him.
(Oh ho ho, you don't wanna know. *wink*)

4. Google “[your name] says”

Daryl says, "LIVE BY THE DOOR. DIE BY THE DOOR!!"
(SAME APPLIES TO SEA ANEMONES.)

5. Google “[your name] wants”:

Daryl wants a crab this big.
(But I'm allergic to seafood!)

6. Google “[your name] does”:

MJM Magic Daryl Does The Full Monte [DVDDMFULL] -
(!?)

7. Google “[your name] hates”:

Daryl hates the police with a passion.
(HA. Too true.)

Daryl hates her psychatrist. [george, go die.]
(That's true. GET OUT OF MY HEAD.)

8. Google “[your name] can”:

Turtle takes Daryl to his house to play video games, where we find that Daryl can play "Pole Position" unbelievably fast, and quickly breaks Sherie Lee's ...
(Google description cut-off ftw.)

9. Google “[your name] goes”:

Katie Daryl goes pirate on your booty. Plus, a mass make out session in Italy. Thu., Jul. 2nd, 10:00 PM ET, Deadline! - 4th of July Special - Deadline!
(Is pirate even a verb?)

10. Google “[your name] is”:

Nicole, Kathleen, Jerry... now Daryl is next in line for nudity ...
(Funny thing is, I know four people with those names.)

11. Google “[your name] loves”:

DARYL HANNAH - DARYL LOVES TO GET NAKED
(WOO.)

Azazyl

Stench of humanity,
The rot of those fair.
Despair!
Of lost sanity and
Dreams never there.