Once again on borrowed time.

(to the people who misread my previous post, the 'he' was me. Its called playing with pronouns. Ugh.)

First of all I'd like to apologize to a hell lot of people for certain inadequacies and mistreatment in recent days, largely due to the influence of certain books which shall be explained later. Basically these few days I've been shouting a lot at people, being extremely insane at times and doing a whole ton of wicked things. So I seek all my friends' understandings that its just a phase I'm going through. Maybe its a brush on a water surface, or a fade into black; whatever it is. its just a stage, so yeah.

Before I begin on the book, I'd like to explain that my fascination with controversial books does not reflect any 'obsession with/worship of the devil' or 'aspiration to be the AntiChrist', and I'm not taking an anti-religious stand, definitely not anti-Christian. It is merely a fascination for controversy; it is the passion in a writer's fervent contradiction that sparks off something in me, that strikes a chord with my very soul. It is not an obsession in darkness, but a curiosity in otherwise ideals, and the vehement passion usually associated with it.

Also, I'd like to note that if you start bombarding me with sermons and whatnot, or even threats. I will definitely retort. I will be obliged to take the opposing stand just to balance out the argument, otherwise an equation. Neutrality has always been my best course of action, and preferred pose, but even a cornered mouse will bite the cat; not to mention that I'm territorial. It works as something like, 'You cursed devil-worshipper!' then I'm internally inclined to shout 'SO WHAT IF I AM.' In fact, even though I'm not an anti-religionist, I can take the stand if I wanted to. After all, to quote,

'The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it. Indeed, the probabilities are that the more insincere the man is, the more purely intellectual will the idea be, as in that case it will not be coloured by his wants, his desires or his prejudices.'

-Henry Wotton, TPoDG, Chapter 1.

So yes, I'm currently reading in detail, the online text of Der Antichrist by Nietzsche (thanks Bryan Cheong for recommending it to me), and I must say, it is no book for the narrow-minded, or the pure of heart. It takes on such an objective stand that it reminds me of Joel in a heated argument defending his beliefs and/or 'moral' stands, multiplied hundredfold and inverted to negative. And with much more colorful language.

Seriously, I mean, he DID refer to Kant as 'an idiot'.

I'm lazy to reiterate, so I'll just randomly quote Wikpedia.

'What is good? — All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to power, power itself in man. What is bad? — All that proceeds from weakness. What is happiness? — The feeling that power increases — that a resistance is overcome'.

'The weak and ill–constituted shall perish: first principle of our philanthropy. And one shall help them to do so. What is more harmful than any vice? — Active sympathy for the ill–constituted and weak — Christianity ...'

'Pity thwarts the whole law of evolution, which is the law for natural selection. It preserves what is ripe for destruction; it fights on the side of the disinherited and condemned by life; by maintaining life in so many of the botched of all kinds, it gives life itself a gloomy and dubious aspect.'

Then so on and so forth, going on to 'debunk' the entire Bible and whatnot, spewing insults here and there. Once again, no insult to the fervent Christians. The book exists, to read it is just being a Literature student; to recount is just being a Blogger.

Essentially I've been pretty affected by these penned words. Its as if my very nature has been shifted one notch down. My perceptions are darker, my moods are terrible, my intolerance for anything other than what suits me at that time has dramatically heightened. (Cheong this is all your fault.)(But you redeemed yourself by lending me A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis; it cheered me up a bit. I must remember to analyze it.) I think I'm turning evil.

When there is nothing to redeem one, no motivation in righteousness and morality, there is no purpose in salvation, because one cannot salvage oneself.

Azazyl

Stench of humanity,
The rot of those fair.
Despair!
Of lost sanity and
Dreams never there.