Before I begin?



How muchly insightful. I like turtles too!

The sunset today is brilliant. Pity my mom took the camera with her on her recent trip to Paris. Shizz. Oh well.

Today was an utter waste of time. Results weren't too bad lah, can pass, and justified considering my nonchalant attitude towards the exams anyway, plus the replacement of mugging with Runescape. But y'know what?

Screw it, I don't really care. Its like my life is pointless. I have no goals nor desires, nor anything to look forward too. If I screw it up, so what? I have no motivation to do better.

Sighs.

Looking back on today, or any other day in fact. Really. I'm such an idiot. Living every day without care nor concern, laughing each mistake off and moving on to the next target every minute. Why? I don't know. I haven't lived any other way. If I don't, I'll eat myself alive from the inside. I need the constant spontaneous distraction. I'm tragically insecure inside.

I guess I've just lived such a childish life because I don't know how else to. I smile and I laugh because I don't know what else to do. I've lost sight of what I should really do. I do all this because its tiring otherwise, isn't it?

Not going to go down another "oh noesh I didn't mean to do so and so but I did it anyway and I regret it so much". But please don't feel sad. If you were, I'd be too.

Sometimes I wonder, if you would cry if you knew I cried, just like I did when you cried.

And sometimes I wonder, where we'd be right at this very moment, had I just left out that one part, or had you just overlooked it.

Ugh, I'm starting to rant again.

Maybe it isn't now, and maybe it won't be very soon, but I know that someday, that time will come. The day I've been wishing for; the day we had waited for, the day when we can walk down that stretch of dream sand and water and, for once, smile.

And smile.

And smile..

Azazyl

Stench of humanity,
The rot of those fair.
Despair!
Of lost sanity and
Dreams never there.