Post again later;

Edit:

You people probably expect me to cook up some random new philosophy of life, then add in a bit of witty humor and puns, followed by some begging statements slash paragraphs, ending off with a final punchline that more or less strikes true.

Well that's just the way I am. Savvy?

If you can't accept me for the person I am, the good and the bad, then I don't know what to say. For I am who I am, and I'm the same person that was, is, and will be.

Today was my free day, but also the most tiring one of the entire week. I don't know why. Lonely. Refuse to talk to anyone. Game crash. Ugh.

I seriously don't understand myself. I'm typing these posts in the strange belief that someone, or a particular some person, is actually reading them. The same way for months I've been typing, editting, deleting and then retyping paragraphs on Notepad, ranging from suicide notes to proclamations of love to a self-sacrificing goodbye (ironic they're all addressed to one and the same), and then somehow gaining the stupid, senseless satisfaction that that someone somehow knows about, has read and understands what is in those letters. Like an "I said what I wanted to say to a wall, with someone's picture on it, but it's okay" kinda feeling.

I feel so pathetic. Everything I've done these past nine months. Idiotic rambles, mistaken beliefs, misguided paranoia and empty, desperate promise after promise. Mistake after mistake. My failure, chance after chance, over and over again.

All I wanted was just.

Ugh. I feel so pathetic that I just.. can't believe I'm actually crying now

Azazyl

Stench of humanity,
The rot of those fair.
Despair!
Of lost sanity and
Dreams never there.