Thursday, September 11, 2008 @8:41 PM
Checkmate.Nowhere to go.Camera spoilt. Can't upload anything recent, as a result. Finished two thirds, or rather, half of my AEP works.
Joy [x]
Damage01 Believers [x]
Damage02 Soldiers [x]
Damage 03 Kings [ ]
Prep board x4 [ ]
I'm getting terribly tired after these terribly sleepless nights, so I am resorting to super saturated sugar in super strong Milo with super hot water to keep me awake enough to finish-
SS NS Project [ ]
CLE Poster [ ]
Literature Genre Essay [ ]
Looking on the other side, tomorrow is the last day of school, and the start of the Differenciated Module Projects. Which reminds me, I have to go
check my DMP Timetable and print it out later.
Got the second half of the Total War: Eras Soundtrack. Got that This Is Me song. Uh. Yeah.
Yesterday was. I dunno lah. During guitar practice me and Wesley were like, overpowering the rest of the section, largely because most of them didn't know how to play. Perhaps I fail as a section leader. Feels terrible.
Today was even worse lah. Screwed up Maths PT. 12 upon 30. Its not the teacher's fault, but can't help but feel a little bit angry, both at her and myself. Then got scolded by Sir Tan. Its understandable that he blew his temper, really. I would totally accept the blame and everything and willingly get scolded, but he brought up the possible injustice we had for his subject alone. I treat all subjects like that, I don't like being labelled as blatantly biased. But inevitably, added to my already crammed mental state, result was a terrible mood that would last the entire day.
Besides that, I've been knowingly screwing my life up. Making decisions that I know are wrong, screwing up relationships that I know are valuable, causing recoils that I know are potentially devastating. I know I'm sending my life to Hell, but.
I'm only doing so to force myself to strive to Heaven.
Look upon these words with the eyes you had nine months ago.
Look at me.I don't see why we had or are having these childish, stupid refuse-to-talk thingums. Its just really stupid.
In fact, its almost laughable. Everything that happened in the last nine months is laughable. Every needless heartache, every irrelevant overreaction, every gradual progression and degeneration into what it is now. Its just so bloody-
I did stupid things. I thought stupid things. And I lost something that should never be lost.
There we go. That's right. I may not feel it now. But I know how I felt back then, and I know what I felt back then.
But more important is that someone who gave up everything for it. That someone who, to me, is really, truthfully the best, the sweetest and the most unique in my entire life, someone no one can match up to.
I finally recognize your sacrifices, and I want the chance to sacrifice all I have for your happiness.
I finally recognize my mistakes, my childishness and stupidity, and now I bow my head in shame. To ask for your forgiveness.
Look at these words with the eyes you had nine months ago.
Bring everything back to mind, and remember everything we felt.
And then ask yourself if you're willing to forgive the person who made you cry, and be together with the person who made you laugh.
If not, don't even bother going tomorrow.
But if you do, and can't find the right words nor actions.
Just hope. And stare. And smile.
And know for one last time that I'll love you.