azazyl's heartland

2011-12-27T22:34:00.001+08:00

I stand here against the cold night wind and I see now what I saw then.Purity. Not hate.

2011-11-01T22:48:00.001+08:00

Religion is Man's way of simplifying, personalizing and claiming ownership of a vast cosmos that would otherwise scare him shitless.

2011-09-17T00:39:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if this is just a phase, me being kinda like one of those emos/goths I prefer to dissociate myself from. Just another teenage-bound, hormone-driven but ultimately passing sequence that I'll look back at and chuckle to myself about.

Yes, sometimes I wonder if, in a few years, I'll have had a completely different mindset, one that does not, even in the slightest bit, encompass nihilism, or existentialism, or solipsism, or any other self-destructive notions that would result in me drowning in my own agony and self-pity.

But what if I don't? What if mindsets really are, quintessentially, formed from youth, firmly ingrained into impressionable trains of thought, infecting them like a cancer that only grows with age? What if this is the best it's gonna be? What if, already, I'm struggling to keep my head above the water that is the abyss of nihilism?

Perhaps sometime soon, I'll have found enough hope in humanity to convince me that the world is worth giving a shit about. Perhaps I'll have, from the most deluded recesses of my mind, conjured a seemingly sufficiently sustainable, yet suffocatingly superfluous purpose of which its superficial grandeur would be absolutely essential in motivating a meek, weary soul. Perhaps I'll have experienced an epiphany, an enlightenment, even, that would short-circuit a bitter, resentful and heartless front and trigger a then (then-ly, now) alien sense of compassion and emotion; a catharsis, not as much the shattering of the glass as it is the abrupt realisation, rediscovery of pain on one's fist.

Tough luck.

I don't even want to wake up any more. What use is emotion? compassion? morality? Of what purpose could these horrid, horrid curses possibly serve other than to befuddle, to bewitch and to ultimately betray? What is it to live for such transient, differentiated and utterly useless goals?

Yet, if I rejoined the creed that is society, I'd think differently. Then who is right? And who is to judge? I say all of society is a self-centered, self-imposed delusion, you may think differently. You may think that communal society is created, and sustained, out of more than a fear of chaos. You may think that all desire for power, greatness and ambition are outliers, exceptions to the human rule. You may believe that humans inherently, and genuinely, care for other humans.

I don't.

Who's to judge?

For me, no one.

2011-09-17T00:35:00.001+08:00

We only, truly see how alone we are when surrounded by people.

2011-08-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

A good enough liar with a bad enough moral compass can be the best at everything else.

The Grief Of Happiness

2011-07-20T18:53:00.005+08:00

No man will ever be able to truly accept his Mortality; Fear is too innate, too inherent in us (not that it hasn't served us well as a primal instinct), and Death is too unavoidable, too inevitable.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unstoppable. Fear of the unpredictable. Fear of the vast cosmos that is emptiness, of one's unbecoming, of one's demise. The insecurity that comes with helplessness. The grief that comes with hopelessness.

We do not experience this fear every day, only because we've learned to live with it, to lift ourselves off against the gravity of our circumstance. We've learned to stop ourselves from thinking, from speculating a back-story for a face in the obituaries. We've learned to distract ourselves with such efficacy that we seldom, if ever, think of our own deaths even at another's funeral. This is why society is so passive, ignorant, naive and unfocused.

But when we do decide, albeit often hesitantly, to plunge into the dark abyss of our neglected subconscious, one can only find great Despair. This Great Fear is oft overwhelming, traumatising, disorienting. To the brazen, all that awaits is more Despair. Hopeful prospects are lost as one, for brief seconds, looks from the eyes of God upon Man, and weeps at the futility that is Humanity. This is the process of an awakening, The Awakening, and not all survive.

It thus follows naturally, under the equilibrium that governs all, that an antithesis or a rejection is cast into play. Thusly, all Happiness and Identity are the Denial of Mortality.

Happiness is the overcoming of aforementioned fear: the classic "living life to the fullest", the personification of optimism, the one power that seemingly triumphs over Death itself. A smile, a laugh. Satisfaction, comfort, joy. Death becomes secondary in the minds of the happy-

but only because it is a denial. Happiness is living in spite of mortality. Happiness is the very quintessence of the rejection of nonpermanence. In massive omission of one's humanness, even if momentary, one feels an emotion so familiar it would be unnerving to name it a defiance to inevitability. We are so happy in our lives because we are so competent at evading our massive shortcoming; those incompetent have probably already passed. Happiness becomes second-nature, as does ignorance. Don't they say "Ignorance is bliss"? Hope, Desire and Expectation are all had in blatant dismissal of one's humanity. Faith and Religion an outright rejection of mortality. All positive emotion is created in remedious reaction to the prospect of dissolution.

Names, Status, Affluence, Beauty, Culture and even simple Clothing. All these are affirmations of Identity, a Variety of standards that affirms oneself of irreplaceability. All these are the focus of attention and effort in the modern world. All these are denials; all forms of Differentiation are forms of weary nonacceptance of one unspoken fact: Death is the Great Equaliser, the Great Leveller. All is equal before the throne that is Death. All discernment is a meek protest against the power that is Death. After all, it is said, "After the game, the king and pawn go back into the same box".

Even Love itself is a denial of mortality. "The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and no night; all tragedies, all ennuis, vanish, all duties even". (Emerson) Why? Why is love the ultimate refusal of mortality, and how?

Love is putting complete trust in one other, the mutual relation between two that extends to none other, a (if I may say so) symbiotic relation where one is infinitely special and unique to another, and so in return. Differentiation. In the same way men lust for power to satisfy their hunger for distinction and hence immortality, love is by far the more feasible option: it is more accessible to even the average person, in that it does not necessitate the negation of another's free will, which many are too cowardly to do, and neither does it carry with it the colossal responsibility that is leadership, which many are unwilling to take. Why else do they say "All's fair in Love and War"? Simply because love offers a somewhat similar degree of satisfaction to power: the illusion that one is immune to Death's power to erase your very memory, the repudiation of morbid quality achieved via another. Love is the mutual white lie: one matters.

Love is the sharing of lives, the destruction of barriers to thought-communication. Well. This is a selfish instinct to preserve the essence of oneself in another, in a vain and futile hope of continuation, of permanence. Why do we mourn our loved ones? Is it not because when they pass, part of ourselves die with them? Indeed. It is because our memory dies with them. We mourn the passing of ourselves in others, and bemoan the loss of our hope for immortality (kinda like a Horcrux). Wouldn't you prefer to die before your lover? Would you not give the world, or even your life to preserve your lover's life, or rather, such significant investment of memory? Love is driven by the desperate hope for self-preservation, in the knowledge of one's own mortality.

Do you see now? The entire society is shaped and created around Mankind's refusal to accept his own Mortality. Society is a giant system constantly mutually deceiving each other that they may be returned the favour. It is a collection of lost souls huddled together for what little warmth they may find in the unforgiving darkness. Society, created by Man, is but a pacifier for himself who dies but an infant in thought. All is denial.

Of course, all this is not to say that denial isn't good. Denial is good sometimes, but usually only when personal survival is concerned, like denying a crime, or a costly favour. Our aptitude (and perhaps even penchant) for denial is legendary and to be accredited for much. What is important is the subject of denial. Ignorance, the denial of knowledge, should be a cardinal sin. The cowardice behind not knowing is an insult to the thinking mind (insert Galileo quote here), not to mention a terrible shame.

Personally, mortality brings colour. Vibrancy. Vigor. Death is an honour. To be honest, on worse days I crumple at the prospect of my own demise, partially out of fear but also regret, but with clearer skies, I am able to see life as it is: a drama, a play. Life acts itself out as a script, writ from the start by none other than Circumstance. To live forever would be boring; better to act an interesting character, play the part well, and master the audience, don't you think? Quoth Dorian Gray, "but I am glad you don't think I am heartless. I am nothing of the kind. I know I am not. And yet I must admit that this thing that has happened does not affect me as it should. It seems to be to be simply like a wonderful ending to a wonderful play. It has all the terrible beauty of a Greek tragedy, a tragedy in which I took a great part".

After all, to rise is glorious.

To fall is Divine.

"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror; to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." (Herbert)

2011-07-15T00:10:00.001+08:00

Roll the red carpet,
Have the angels sing
For I will be Immortal.

I will be King.

2011-07-13T22:31:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel this aching.

This itching, this cracking.

This ambition is killing me, devouring me from the inside.

Can't help but feel I'm meant for so much more. To approach, then parallel, then exceed the conquests of the greatest conquerors: Napoleon. Alexander. Caesar. To have the world shudder at the very thought of my name, like Mao or Hitler. To carry the fate of an empire in the palm of my hand. To control life and death, right and wrong. To judge and persecute. To destroy and create. To be a part of, and be responsible for, a whole new world, perfect and righteous. To be the god of the time.

Sometimes I get this urge, this unparalleled yearning for greatness. This desire to change. Everything.

Yet trapped I am. I am only human. Encumbered by a rotting society that recognises all the wrong things. That rewards passivity and punishes progress. That prioritises meek survival over excellence. Stagnancy over change. Non-compliance over organisation. Stupidity over true leadership.

Sometimes I feel such rage. Such anguish. Such despair.

Why do people not share my dream?

Has our innate hypocrisy finally turned us against ourselves?

What must I do from here to realise this vision?

My contribution to the world will be more than mere charity or generosity; it will be complete and revolutionary change. I will rise, and I will conquer. I will destroy, and I will create anew. I will triumph, and I will remain. Ordo Chao. Vita More.

Deus Homine.

Hmm.

Pity.

2011-07-08T22:22:00.001+08:00

These mood swings are coinciding with my periods of abstinence from chocolate! HOMG.

2011-07-06T20:45:00.003+08:00

WHOA.

That's some emo shit back there!

But hello all (if any) once again! I.. I.. don't know what to say!

*stomp stomp*

Should really get around to actually doing schoolwork instead of futzing around on facebook, blogger and twitter. Hmm. Considering I'm really quite behind and my tutorials are all concentrated in one day.

Pshaww, who cares!

Side note: stop listening to emo music about love and breakups; listen to BON JOVI (also about love and breakups but difficult to get emo with people moshing into stage front)

DAAAYUNG DAAAAAAAAAAYUNG

2011-07-01T00:39:00.001+08:00

I think I'm going to die soon.

2011-07-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

I will destroy everything.

Trust, Hope, Love. Why hold on to these pathetic, transient things?

Life itself is a hateful accident: void, hollow, empty.

I will destroy everything, and through destruction I will create purpose! I will create meaning!

I will create a monument to non-existence!

2011-06-22T23:08:00.001+08:00

Can't.

I mustn't.

Fuck you; hold.

2011-06-21T22:57:00.002+08:00

I can't trust anyone. And sometimes it hurts.

It's by part the fault of a world that has dished disappointment and regret on every opportunity, but mostly a pathological, psychological disorder of mine, I guess.

Sometimes I try. I've tried to believe in the best, believe that the world is a nice place, believe in the people that can make a difference.

But I cannot.

Doubt creeps like a virus, feeding on the fertile plains of happiness, leaving in its wake naught but scorched earth, after which it grips my heart, hurtfully squeezing out the words:

"I cannot trust."

I've already lost so much, but I cannot.

..whoever's this heart is to break. Is one f**king lucky bitch.

2011-06-20T00:19:00.001+08:00

i can't even find a place to start.
how do i choose between my head and heart?
till it ceases i'll never know:

how do you get up from an all-time low

2011-06-19T11:57:00.001+08:00

2011-06-16T14:56:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry, but I just cannot revive my optimism for the human condition. I mean, we're such a horrid mess. Self-deceiving. Selfishly motivated. Consumed by emotion. What promise have we? How can we advance? We're just this sorry lump of organisms leeching and feeding on Life itself, addicted to our emotions, then expiring in nothing more than a whisper.

That's why last night (while waiting for the non-visible eclipse), I sat for an eternity on a chair facing the gate with Nick and Liyu, feeling the twilight thunderstorm.

I remember I used to be so naive. I trusted hope. Trusted love. Trusted the world.

I remember sitting in that rain years ago, telling myself with a smile that the world was a nice place, that people were good inside.

I remember feeling the raindrops touch my skin, the fresh wind kiss my face, and knowing that tomorrow will be brighter, that there is still much to live for.

Well.

Now the weight of each drop brings only sorrow. Sorrow. And despair.

Disappointment. Regret. Misuse. Abuse. Betrayal. Pain. Sadness. Futility. Hopelessness.

I swear, among the droplets on my face, there was one salty tear mourning the death of a child.

What a wonderful child too.

On a side note, otherwise pretty awesome study session with the guys and gals, except at one point Louis got quite hopelessly drunk on Jack Daniels. Hehe. And started trying to explain microeconomics. And other stuff. But it's fine!

2011-06-10T20:16:00.002+08:00

What the sheep are you doing?

No, seriously.

What the sheep?

Since when did you allow yourself to be wound around someone else's finger like that? Since when did you grow to be so sheeping weak?

You're a sheeping Scorpian man. Get a sheeping grip over yourself.

You would never have sheeping expected yourself to be like this right now. You're strong. You've been through Hell. Nothing's supposed to daunt you now. So why the sheep you crumbling apart?

This kinda desire isn't supposed to get you down. You're supposed to be above all this shit. You're supposed to be watchin' it, sheepin' owning it. You ain't Desire's bitch man.

You're a sheeping Ace of Spades. No player sheeping deserves you man.

Quit wallowing in your pit of sheep and shit. Get the sheep out and do something with your life while you still can. There are many sheep ing copies of these people in the world if you need 'em.

But you don't.

You gonna make 'em sheepin' regret not knowing you. So you better sheepin' start working towards that.

..

Thanks blog. Needed that.

Side note: After a rather cathartic blogging session, decided to replace the F word with sheep for the more squeamish readers. It sounds quite funny after doing that, frankly.

2011-06-09T23:11:00.002+08:00

Pangs of futility and hopelessness like cannonballs to my stomach.

Simply being has become an excuse.

Language, Mathematics, Art, Theology, all but cyclical, self-indulged concepts invented by Man to preoccupy his mental state, a selfish reassurance that not everything fades with one's own life, to legitimize the cathartic criticism or comprehension of everything unimportant out of the fear and apprehension of uncovering oneSelf.

Pursuit, Achievement, War, Wealth; all-too-successful distractions, the manipulation and artificial acquisition of positive emotion to give the superficial illusion of purpose, the self-propagation of superiority that potently prevents one from appreciating the equalizing power of Death.

The very creation of Society is an excuse, like the huddling of animals for warmth in an infinitely vast, infinitely dark landscape.

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."

"Regarding life, the wisest men of all ages have judged alike: it is worthless."

All is Despair.

2011-06-09T00:57:00.001+08:00

Only with Pride can one experience true Freedom.

Perhaps that is why Pride is the Original Sin.

2011-06-08T01:01:00.001+08:00

Cogito ergo sum.

Quis sum? Adqui, quid sum?

Monstrum sum.

2011-06-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

Lies.

There comes a point when lying to yourself is the only way to get along. When self-comfort becomes second-nature.

And then there comes a point when you're so good at lying to yourself that every reappearance of reality is a denial.

My very existence is a lie. The purpose of all living is an excuse.

" Embrace your destruction, it is the fate of all things!
I will destroy everything, I will create a monument to non-existence! "

-----

On a side note, I SWEAR, SCHOOL IS FREAKING SCARY AT NIGHT. Left my bag in the humans canteen to go dinner with shao, louis and such (joel left early) but forgot about the fact that y'know. I can't get back in without anyone in school. So after CRINGING IN FEAR over shao's EVER-SCARY ghost stories (LOL-ipop), went back to school and I must say,

THE MARYMOUNT WALKWAY IS A FREAKING NIGHTMARE.

I swear, I could've pissed my pants if I decided to walk on the pavement instead of the wider road. Especially if some dude walked in the opposite direction. Or even worse, was behind me. OH GOD I'm never going back there again. At night, at least.

EVEN BETTER; walkway from general office to humans canteen had a NICE, CLEAR VIEW OF THE SCIENCE BLOCK WITH THE FLOATING FOETUS and THAT DAMN GRIFFLES STANDEE IN THE CANTEEN (I swear, I never heard my voice go so high). I'm gonna punch the standee. When it's brighter.

So that's me whimpering to the manna café pickup point where there was (not-so-but-still-present) lighting. URGH.

Have to bathe AGAIN.

2011-06-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

Rained really heavily today. Hmm.

Everything always seems to be clearer after a storm doesn't it? One reason is coz the rain kinda shoots down the dust particles hanging around in the air so our vision becomes much clearer as the light can travel straight from objects to your eye without being nom'd by the particles.

How boring!

I prefer to believe that the rain gives colour, each drop like poster paint, vivid green and brick red smashing onto and spreading across the paper canvas that is Nature. That it gives Life, like splashing two handfuls of water onto the beautiful, smiling face of the Earth on a fresh morning.

Hmm.

But it's true isn't it?

We do see a lot clearer after a storm.

On a side note, tomorrow is my speak-in-a-brit-accent day :3 YAY YAY YAY

2011-06-05T00:01:00.002+08:00

I see now;
This is why I cannot
With mine own eyes, even glance
Yours

"I must. I want you to explain to me why you won't exhibit Dorian Gray's picture. I want the real reason."

"I told you the real reason."

"No, you did not. You said it was because there was too much of yourself in it. Now, that is childish."

"Harry," said Basil Hallward, looking him straight in the face, "every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself. The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown with it the secret of my own soul."

Lord Harry laughed. "And what is that?" he asked.

"I will tell you,"

2011-06-03T22:31:00.001+08:00

<333

//my heart just can't

keep skipping beats like that.//

2011-06-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

trust is a mistake people learn from

and cannot afford to make twice.

2011-05-30T22:51:00.004+08:00

It's not enough that people live for a purpose.

People should live for themSelves.

Question,
Dissect,
Interpret.

True purpose is not in external happiness

but in knowing what that happiness means to oneSelf.

"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

-----

For years, I've learned to feed
Not on Love,
Nor on Joy,
Neither on Achievement

But on human Misery and Suffering
Because it is the Truest emotion,
And beside Death himself,
It is Constant
And it is Eternal.

2011-05-29T20:45:00.002+08:00

Couldn't Be Stranger

It should've started with
"Hello" or something,
But light travels faster than sound
And our time was short
And so sweet.
There was a smile that said
"Nice to meet you"
That rang louder than laughter.
I could feel your heart
Skip
A beat, as it pulled my own
By the heartstrings
Beat by beat, like a marionette.
A cheeky "How are you"
And our wordless understanding
Spread like fire up my throat.
We must have been conversing about the weather because
I saw the bluest sky in your eyes
As each blink broke on the rocks.
I asked for a name and
Oh, could it be?
'Twas the first time I saw
A voice so beautiful,

Snap.

The moment was gone,
Our conversation
Now an invisible web
Sprawled in two like curtains on a stage.

Deafening static was the transition
Back into reality.

We thought our goodbyes and
Phrased each other's
As we walked out doors
More than friends
Before we had even met.

2011-05-29T14:32:00.002+08:00

PURE AWESOMENESS

Edit:

This video has single-handedly brightened up my day (:

" Three of the things I love about this video: 1. The audience's thrilled reaction when they hear he's singing in French; 2. Mika's crazy-amazing falsetto; 3. the look of PURE ELATION on his face when he finishes. Brilliant.
mayiwrite 1 month ago 54 "

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY IT'S CONTAGIOUS

Also:

My unicorn name is Willow Fair Nostrils
Willow is as sweet as a Shetland pony.
He is handsome to look upon,
and he dances in clouds of falling stars.
Get your own unicorn names from The Unicorn Name Generator!

2011-05-29T01:21:00.001+08:00

BRILLIANCE.

2011-05-27T15:13:00.004+08:00

AWWWW

SHO KEWT

Wilson:
*They say
*Study hard son
*Get your college degree
*Get a job
*Earn money
*Attic
*Wtfux eve*
*Even*
*Fuck auto correct duck fuck fuck
*Fuck*

Aza:
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2011-05-26T22:33:00.002+08:00

Okay so today was the most FML day evar.

Go school, realise I brought all the wrong stuff coz I spilled coke on my bag the day before, so I changed bag to one that could only fit one file with all the wrong stuff. FML

Tired from playing Civi5 last night so during bio lecture today, fell asleep MID-SMS. Woke up to the stare of lecturer. FML

Last day of school, released two hours earlier than normal uber-late time, want to pon econs remedial two hours later OBVIOUSLY. All goes according to plan! Happily go lunch at Manna Cafe! Can celebrate! Even remember saying "you know what would be funny? If my econs tutor saw me here HAW HAW".

I mean, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES.

FML

Walk into classroom a bit late, welcomed with "TIONG YOU RECOVERED AH" coz they told my tutor I had headache and was ill FML

BEST PART.

Dam sian already, going home coz my life dam suck. Dam super freaking hot weather make me wanna die already.

Thought: last two weeks my ez-link card value all $1.xx ah, still haven't top up, later cannot go in. Nehmind can top-u- omg. No money coz

1. bought past year prelim papers today so was penniless even though this morning was the most money my wallet has seen and

2. Took a cab home yesterday coz I spilled coke on my pants too.

Continue walking. See the gantry. Heart starts beating a little faster. I mean, I can't be that unlucky right? I mean,

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Not to mention like, 2 hours later after borrowing money from Jing, one of two top-up machines broke down and the queue on the remaining one made me miss my train. But these all pale in comparison eh

Jing: "this is all your accumulated karma from all the mean things you've said"

ho ho ho

at least it's not FRIDAY FRIDAY GETTIN' DOWN ON-

On a side note. This song is pretty~

You and your pretty eyes
Keep me alive, keep me alive

~~

//i'm not even another pair of eyes

in yours.//

2011-05-25T20:26:00.003+08:00

when it's snowing and you're inside, and you pause a moment, then you take a sip of hot chocolate;

the warmth in your nose with that comfortable, subtle aftertaste that tickles the back of your eyes and makes you want to cry.

that was your voice.

//this game of life, that's how to play.

betray, betray, and then betray.//

2011-05-23T21:00:00.002+08:00

A thought cannot be unthought.

Once you think it, it is the only thing that stays with you for all eternity.

That's a thought.

You may lose your sanity, you may lose your purpose, you may lose your life. But a thought will change you, define you in every subtle way until the day you die, and even after, through your words and actions.

Which is why every thought takes up a bit of your soul, like a cardboard box of things you can't throw out of a room. Slowly, the room fills up. Pretty soon, there isn't much space to move. You feel constrained. You feel narrow-minded. You feel lethargic.

That's a thought.

"How brilliant it would be, to see that empty room again!" you muse.

But we all know the only future is suffocation, in the grain falling through an hourglass, in the pit of bottomless quicksand. Soon, our thoughts will leave us desolate and hopeless and gasping for breath, ready and fit to die old and alone.

Our thoughts define us, but the nature of our thoughts is defined.

That's a thought.

//grab somebody sexy

tell them "hey//

2011-05-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

So.

The Rapture's supposed to happen today.

To those less religiously inclined, here's a short summary, courtesy of our ever-credible source Wikipedia.

" The primary passage used to support the idea of the Rapture is 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17, in which Paul cites "the word of the Lord" about the return of Jesus to gather his saints.

... and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 1 Thess 4 "

i.e. those virgin Christians who've skipped meals to pray will somehow be zooped up to the heavens without their clothes (as what common belief tells us.) (the without clothes part, that is.)

Well. Not like I'm particularly involved in this event in any way should it actually occur.

But it's an interesting thought! How long will things continue running? What if those people running the power plants are good little theists? If your pilot zooped off and your plane was left in free fall, would the forsaken passengers still pray? And the most important question of all...

What if you were taking MRT at the moment of the Rapture?

(cue trololol)

Oh well. Then again, there is the chance that the Rapture has already occured, just that no one zooped up.

Why?

Because this world is a vomitous cesspit for the seething filth that is the ignorance, ineptitude and inadequacy of Man.

Life is a plague. Rationality and Faith are both equal painkillers at best.

//the art of living is about making the most intolerable of situations seem like

the best you're ever gonna be in.//

2011-05-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

nice song (:

almost makes me miss playing the guitar~

2011-05-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

Bloody hell, I have sinusitis.

2011-05-17T16:12:00.002+08:00

Here's a thought:

Time is man-made.

The entire curtain of time is but an artificial concept made not for self-discipline, but out of impatience for others. Seconds were suddenly seen as a currency that could be wasted, lost, hence Man invented the rigid structure that is Time to prevent or, at least, minimise said loss.

Ergo, man is self-serving.

Apropos, if Time is "man-made", what of Existence?

Cogito ergo sum; our consciousness and existence is created by the Self.

Everything is but a concept.

Everything is but a thought.

There's a thought.

//in war, resolution; in defeat, defiance;

in victory, magnanimity; in peace, goodwill.//

2011-05-14T01:11:00.003+08:00

This soul hath seen the world
In its many moods and faces, and it is
Undeserving of the love it yields not in return.

What use hath a transient Life which
Naught but Death embraceth, and a
Heart rewarded with sorrow for every yearn?

The tragedy,
Oh, tragedy!
All is ought to burn.

//at the end of the day

everyone's running from something.//

2011-05-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

Ah shit my fencing super off form =.= before interschools, twirling the blade felt so natural but now it feels like I'm forcing myself to. It's not even natural mentally; I just don't know what else to do with the blade. Goodness. And I have to go for Nat Indiv Trials on the 28th ARGH I'm screwed.

Right now feels like the kinda time I'll have an epiphany about this year, then I'll actually start taking my studies/fitness/relationships seriously instead of dandying about.

I remember there was a time when, to me, existential belief meant living Life to the fullest, when every second counts, even if it was used for hedonism. Especially so if it were used for hedonism.

What am I now?

A mere veneer of passion past.
A drifting echo of a warcry
over a brown, barren battlefield.

"who do you think you are
to change the order of things?"

"enough."

//laughter is the best form of medicine.

it's a drug.//

2011-05-11T20:44:00.004+08:00

Just thought of the perfect sequel to a Will Smith movie~

I AM LEGEND.

DARY.

pity we'd have to wait for it

2011-05-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

finger on black, white keys
feel my heart

like a bead breaking the surface

crisp

a melody so strong it can be tasted

2011-05-10T23:08:00.004+08:00

[A private public space]

Pretty poem, go read it, won't copy-paste it here to avoid people thinking I wrote it, thanks Richard!

But if lesbians are a sensitive topic and/or you're sensitive to the nonchalant mention of stimulated private parts- well. Let's give it a test.

PENIS

If you felt dirty and unclean after reading that, I don't recommend reading the poem. I also hope for your sake you decided to patronise this paragraph before clicking the link at the very top of this post.

Baw haw haw.

//“who’s she? just /a friend.”

and oceans are merely dew/upon the land.//

2011-05-09T20:49:00.001+08:00

I am Life.
The greatest Cruelty,
The cruellest Curse.

To Hope and Futility borne
Thus into Sin and Despair,
I was by Desire.

My caprices are many:
War, Famine, Disease,
but to Death am I wed:

I am his herald,
I am his prize.

I slaughter the weak, I strangle the wise.
Blessing to thee but a blight in mine eyes;
Shall thou covet me not; he who does

Dies.

---

Someone once told me that life was lost.
Yet I found that if one lives life as lost,
Thus is it found.

//ah! the farce. there is no need for torture.

Hell is other people.//

2011-05-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

Tin Pei Ling. Where can I even start. Where am I even allowed to start. She acts like the whole election thing is a freaking joke. "i don't know what to sayyy" cute ah? Now in parliament so cannot say anything. Fuck.

PAP playing the Singapore elections like it's a strategy game. Like a game of chess. Put the strongest, most indisposable member with a meat puppet, let him tank and get a victory. Send second best against opposition powerhouse, hopefully can scrape another victory. Pity. Really sad pity. End goal: get as many victories, get as many seats in parliament as possible.

Is that really good for the people? Does this kind of democracy really ensure the best government?

Doubt so.

They're playing like it's a game of chess.

In chess, there is only the king, no people.

-------

SG Elections tweet summary:

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
"between now and 11 is like foreplay or something" lolol @jingdabomb

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
lolol watching Malay translation: fjsiehrjdsudjkshdjfj GRC kfkdfjsdjdbdkfbj Lee Hsien Loong cndhdjfbdjh PAP jffjdhdxhsdhjdkdb GRC Ang Mo Kio

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
stfu lah background idiots I can't hear the reporter. "BXIDHSUFJSISJDDIDJUSHJDXHSVDDHJDHISHDIGDHDIISH" "back to you" FFFFFUUUUUUU

@ruifen Ruifen
CHANNEL NEWS ASIA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MY TWITTER FEED HAS TOLD ME RESULTS ALREADY

@ruifen Ruifen
RT @miyagi: Can we have an #sgelections to vote Mediacorp out? Pls RT if yes.

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
FUCK THE COMMERCIAL BREAKS LAH SERIOUSLY

@sudeeeeeep Sudeep Agarwal
HAHAHAHA RT @yaaaaaaammy: RT @FakeSTcom: RT @motorman: BREAKING NEWS: CNA will announce GE2011 results sometime before next election.

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
"...pursuant to section 49 subsection 7e paragraph A of the parliamentary elections act, i declare.." LOL

@sudeeeeeep Sudeep Agarwal
A lack of George Yeo in the parliament is Singapore's loss.

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
I LOVE THE ANNOUNCER MAN like some nervous dude taking op

@ruifen Ruifen
hey @Azazylix! RT @ruiqing RT @quitemindy: MOUNTBATTEN SMC TRENDING WORLDWIDE #sgelections

@veeeee_nessa Vanessa Chan
“@rictusempraa: i throw my vote up in the air sometimes, going ahhhh-oh, where is my george yeo~”

@kkiawei Chong Kia Wei
First time ive seen so many Singapore related words trending

@stephsiow: "I'm beginning to suspect that Mediacorp is in an entirely different time zone from all of us here at #sgelections"

@ruifen Ruifen
"he cannot smile, he smile he die already" - my dad on the returning officer announcing results hahaha

@kreeater Richard Neo
...at least TPL can now bring her parents to universal studios? now she can check off her biggest regret in life \o/

@Azazylix Daryl Tiong
FUCK TPL FUCK MARINE PARADE FUCK LIFE

@aphoticaster Ling Shao Tong
HOUGANG FYEAH BITCHES

@MdmNancyGoh Mdm Nancy Goh (Fake)
Adventures of Tin Tin: Tin Pei Ling conquering the Marine Parade GRC against all odds #sgelections

@ruifen: let's applaud the returning officer for gelling his hair nicely + ironing his shirt + picking out a nice tie for the occasion :)

@kreeater: seriously, is every SMC/GRC gonna trend worldwide? i'm fascinated. never felt more singaporean in my life. not even at NDP <3

And last but not least:

@aphoticaster Ling Shao Tong
haha most exciting bday ever for me x.x

HAHA happy birthday sheaowtong~

2011-05-05T21:05:00.002+08:00

Rented a copy of Sartre for Beginners from the library~ and paid my long-standing fine of twenty cents. PUFF.

Also, never thought I'd see the day when I'd be incapacitated by Math. Gave up on Differential Equations assignment; not counting on passing mark-wise >_>

Bah,

Times have changed.

//how we laughed, how i cry,

how we lived, now i die.//

2011-05-04T23:53:00.002+08:00

You don't know what I've given up for you.

You don't know how much I've changed for you.

Hell, you practically don't even know I exist.

Well.

You never will.

//i glimpse your eyes, i hear your name

my heart just dies; it's not the same.//

2011-05-03T18:31:00.002+08:00

Bah. Just a night after that last post, I find myself venturing further into my unconscious than ever before. Mind you, I keep a dream journal (locked up), but what more can I put onto paper but pictures in pen? Perhaps I can. Hmm.

Aiyeeee GP essay test today which I totally screwed up. DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MIGRATION ARGH. What "'benefits of migration"!? So birds won't whole day stay in one tree and shit until the pavement whiter than correction fluid ah?

!^%^@#$^@$*$^

//whatever happened to that innocent boy

who haggl'd his heart for a face full of joy//

2011-05-02T11:45:00.003+08:00

Funny how dreams can totally change your perception of someone, perhaps even someone you've never talked to. How, the next time you talk, the image in the dream will course through your mind like dye in water. Wouldn't that be interesting! No conversation (with said person) would be the same.

How a dream can grant your greatest wish and your darkest desire, one that quenches your long-hidden yearnings, or which taps into the deepest recesses of your carnality, which creates desire out of nothing.

How a dream can be the epitome of your fear and resentment, faces of sins long past or recurrences of a desperate childhood long forgotten, or even sheer horror at aberrant thoughts.

And yet how the break of dawn is the great inverter of emotion; does one not relieved after a nightmare, is one not left empty after one of ecstasy?

Oh the magic of dreams, it's almost poetic!

2011-05-01T22:30:00.002+08:00

I wonder what it's like to forget. To sever oneself from the past. Of course, this would have different relevancies and repercussions for different people. But that's it, isn't it?

I'd wonder what it's like to wake up one morning and have the past, the sins, the demons, all wiped from memory. Perhaps I'd be a better person. Probably not. I'd definitely be a well-slept bastard though.

What is democracy? Appeal to the masses, but to what extent? To what aim? To what cost? Seriously. Should placating the plebeian really be a greatest priority?

It's sad, almost pitiful, that a government should be reduced to the shackles that are the will of the people. What restriction! What constraints! How better are they than peasants chained by the social stratum? In democracy, the government is but a tool; a rifle subject to the will of an ape, a sword bound to the hands of a child, an item of enormous potential thrust unjustly into inept hands.

Such a pity, such a shame.

2011-05-01T16:35:00.003+08:00

Well well. Just thought it would be nice to think in paragraphs and start sentences in capitals again. Astounding isn't it!

New familiars at my balcony: a pair of yellow-breasted sunbirds have oft come to my window to sing! OH JOY. I hope my grandma doesn't chase them away though.

Hope I can make this blogging thing last; methinks it would help my GP essay-writing in more ways than one. >_>

That's enough for a first post, perhaps. Cheerio!

2011-03-19T22:20:00.001+08:00

In the darkest hollows long stolen from Light,
A new kind of Conscience dost creep
That once is, dost plague thy human Psyche
Ne'er so swiftly, nor e'er so deep.

Our Darkness creeps, fills every crack;
Passion'd Suns mere Spartans 'midst Blight.
The brighter burns the candlewick,
The blacker bleeds the night.

2011-01-04T21:35:00.002+08:00

ARGH stress =.=

After Orientation EA dry run tomorrow still have to do tons of work on the Open House MT structure thing. Planned everything but I really hope it'll turn out alright.

CURSE YOU BWWWWW

"heard she was sick; brought you a basket of abalone."
"you're too kind!"
"nah, no problem."
"no, really. keep this up and i'll have relatives dying by the hour."

2010-12-05T22:56:00.002+08:00

Fishcakeeeeee

Super happy and proud today. RAFFLES INVITES TEAM SILVER MEDAL. GOOD JOB SABREURS

2010-12-03T21:31:00.002+08:00

That's awesome shizz. DDR songs ftw!

Actually I don't know why I'm posting also. Just that I have nothing to do. I'm quite sure I originally had an objective for posting, be it some clever epiphany or critical comment but the strand of thought is lost to me like a morning dream.

Sian.

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND I CAN'T SLEEP DD:

2010-11-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

Downpour today. Had to stop Decor work. :/ Wind almost blew Weixuan away.

Hur of course I'm kidding.

I find it quite interesting how when we're older, we see the rain as a burden on our back, stealing our warmth, pushing us further into the ground. Yet when we were younger, we felt the raindrops splashing on our face and thought we were flying upwards.

Hmm.

ARR fencing today I got an injury D: (they should come up with gloves for left hands or something.)

Tsk, I also have to design MT house newsletter. Sian, it seems like almost yesterday I was designing that Vogue banner and fencing banner. Hais.

OH btw. My blog is back! :D

YAY

2010-11-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

UPDATE!

Ugh I dam pissed and tired now -.-

2010-10-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

orange SpLoT says:
*hahaha
*you should be human because humanity is inhumane
*rather than thinking about why you should be human if the rest of humanity is inhumane
     azazyl.       says:
*as in
*why should one be human because humanity is inhumane
*o.O
orange SpLoT says:
*to prove that you aren't inhumane
*and therefore, humanity doesn't have to be inhumane
     azazyl.       says:
*does it prove so since by humanity's standards i am not inhumane
*and hence inhumanity is non-existent
orange SpLoT says:
*if you aren't inhumane, yet you are a part of humanity
*humanity can't be so inhumane, can it?
     azazyl.       says:
*ohh
*that's a different interpretation
*from what i intended
*o:
orange SpLoT says:
*hahahaha
*that's cos
*i'm an optimist like that.
     azazyl.       says:
*HAHA yeah i realised
*no wonder i was so confused

hoo wordplay

2010-09-03T22:41:00.001+08:00

No one is ever there when they are needed the most.

And my mind hath collaps'd into the darkness,
Like a rose petal in a burning pyre,
Like a pearl toss'd into the abysmal ocean.
...
And my heart doth flicker,
And my soul doth revolt
Against nihilist compulsion
Doth they struggle to be strong.
Like a poisoned ant's last convulsion,
Like a blood-breasted canary's last song.

2010-07-06T23:09:00.002+08:00

"Who is like unto the beast?

Who is able to make war with him?"

Revelation 13:4,
Opening words of Monster

2010-05-08T15:18:00.000+08:00

New favourite game: Prototype.

Need I say more?

2010-04-29T22:05:00.002+08:00

To die.

Death is no accident. Death is no passing stroke. Death is no lottery; there are no winners.

Death is an eventuality. A commonality. A reality.

Your elderly neighbour. She thinks about this. She weeps. And she will die.

That kid on the bus. He will grow up. He will taste Life, and he will cringe. He will wither. And he will die.

That anti-Muslim dissident in the papers, to you but a few words in ink. But across the world, will he fight. He breathes. He thinks. He feels. And he dies.

Chairmen or CEOs of every company. Politicians great or not so great. Lawyers, bankers, doctors of all kinds. Religious leaders, masters of civilisation, great contributors to Mankind. Everyone respectable, everyone not so, and then everyone else.

We are a fleeting moment, a passing phase. A tiny, perishable dot in the vast cosmos of space. Our very consciousness, along with everything we have done, the friends we have made, the feelings we have regretted, the people we have loved; our Heart, our Mind, our Soul. All but an irrelevant, insignificant candle amidst a windy undergrowth; a light ray from tiny solar flare in the enormity of the Universe.

Yet we live our lives to the fullest. So do we eat, we sleep, we talk, we learn, we smile, we strive, we feel, we choose, we think, we dream, we Live. Like a single microscopic cell among the zillions on the leg of an ant, in turn among billions of his comrades, in a single ant nest in the world in all its complexity. So do we Live, and want to.

Are we mad?

No.

We are human.

2010-04-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

There is a certain solitary silence tonight.

The sound of a gear clicking to place, and the clockwork of Time and Fate have suddenly become irreversible.

The midnight breeze smells the same as it did years ago, and there is no sadness therein. Thus tThe plates have shifted, the world has changed, yet the air is still the same.

Today, I remember my mortality.

Today, I remember my emotion, my passions, my inclinations, my decisions, my choices, my dilemmas, my personalities, my changes, mySelf.

As does a cold steel dagger pierce the heart of a mythical god, so does my immortality vanish. And once more, I am

human.

There is a certain cruelty in the air tonight, that night.

You had cast down an angel.

You had created a demon.

And so will I run free.

2010-03-05T22:22:00.001+08:00

I wish not for the ability to turn back time,
That but beautiful memories may stay
Exactly as they are.

2010-03-04T22:19:00.002+08:00

Today was strange. Very strange.

Déjà vu when I was doing my PW presentation about Cantonese (comparison to Latin, if you must know), then looking up to see WH, Frongs, ZO-EL and a few girls in the RI(J) library.

Funny thing is, I had the dream ages ago; I distinctly remember it because I was thinking:

1. What the hell? I don't even speak Cantonese!
2. Where the hey was that place. Was that the hall?
3. Since when did those three hang out with GIRLS. (remember I was in RI(S) when I had aforementioned dream.)

At first I was like, a'iiight. Then I realized why I remembered that dream in the first place. Then I was very confused. :/

Déjà vus are weird. D:

P.S. If all my dreams come true, I'll have a baby Velociraptor in a kernel by the time I reach 17. *hint hint*
P.P.S. Just kidding.

2010-02-27T15:13:00.004+08:00

Had a very strange dream last night, so I felt inclined to post about it.

I dreamt I was Hitler.

Before me, German soldiers marching in huge legions, singing hymns I couldn't understand, carrying squarish banners resembling those of ancient Roman's time. Before me, the grand stage with swastikas on either side, and a podium at which not just a country, but the entire world's attention is gathered. Before me, thousands of people driven into gas chambers and mass graves at my will, the rest forced on death marches by my comrades; the simple domination of one human being over another. Before me, absolute power, absolute control, absolute Liberation.

Adolf Hitler, unzer Fuhrer~

Yet not once did these images drift from a dreamy, hazy state, and I knew I was more of an observer than an actor in this production.

Adolf Hitler, unzer Held~

I wonder if Hitler knew what he was doing, if he knew that were he to succeed, the complete revolution of the world would be necessary, and done.

Adolf Hitler war der größte~

Germany in herself was changed to no small degree during his lifetime, and I daresay it seemed as though after the genocides in Auschwitz, there seemed to come a certain twisted peace within the ranks of German soldiers. But is it not peace nonetheless?

Revolutionär der Welt~

There is unity only in the presence of threat. And after the threat has passed, unity will find peace.

To find peace, one must first find war.

Out of the cinders of revolution, more passionate than the hottest flame, there emerges Utopia.

Adolf Hitler, unser Führer~
Adolf Hitler, unser Held~
Adolf Hitler war der größte~
Revolutionär der Welt.

2010-01-25T23:09:00.001+08:00

No virtue like patience,
No punishment like pain.

2010-01-25T00:28:00.002+08:00

If you knew I stay up every night, waiting, just in case you wanted to say something; anything.

If you knew I still have with me countless presents I should have given you on those countless special occasions.

If you knew that I've only ever cried for, and because of you.

If you knew that tonight, I've cried,
and I'm crying.

For you.

..

..hm.

It probably wouldn't matter to you anyway.

2009-12-31T18:10:00.001+08:00

Wesley says:
*I WANT SINGLE LADIES
*BAH

2009-12-30T18:06:00.001+08:00

<33

2009-12-27T21:43:00.001+08:00

'      azazylix.        says:
*yeah
*xD
*but the best moment EVAR
*shootout again
*the police is like
*'we need cover fire!'
*so i take out my motolov cocktail and lob one at em
*i felt so accomplished
Wesley says:
*lol o.O
*what's a motolov cocktail
'      azazylix.        says:
*go wiki
*(=
*or molotov
*can't remember
Wesley says:
*molotov lol
'      azazylix.        says:
*fine
*> slaps Wesley with a large smelly tuna fish
*don't correct me, bitch!
Wesley says:
*oh it isnt meant for drinking
*right

2009-12-27T08:26:00.001+08:00

Up early!

'Tis a beautiful day.

To miss its birth is a sin.

2009-12-24T22:23:00.003+08:00

Just came back from a Mass.

Some parts were hilarious, others were just intolerably boring. Like the sermons.

Pah.

Now for more serious issues:

Last but CERTAINLY not least (more appropriately inversely so),

MERRY PLATYPUS, ONE AND ALL! MAY YOU ALL HAVE A FRABJOUS WINTER OR LACK THEREOF.

2009-12-24T00:20:00.001+08:00

KOREA! SARANGHAEYO!!!!

<333333

Okay, it was quite an awesome trip. Tour guide was awesome, got to stay in the best hotel in Korea, spent a hell lot of money but it's very worth it. :D

:DDD

Tired!

2009-12-16T16:57:00.002+08:00

The nightmares are back.

Knowledge is a poison, lucidity a curse.

Every word a dagger, every smile a scythe.
Every touch a fire that extinguishes thy life.

Like breathing in Hellfire with every painful breath.
Desire, but to abdicate; this thorny laurel wreath,
But by History I stay nailed; liberty but through Death.

2009-12-15T18:56:00.001+08:00

'      dart.        says:
*henry wotton
pamplemousse says:
*wotton!
*xD
'      dart.        says:
*cotton!
*makes him seem so fluffy
*oh btw i'm not into football
pamplemousse says:
*me neither
*and proud of it
'      dart.        says:
*same
**high five*
pamplemousse says:
*xD
'      dart.        says:
*bah
*it's so very uncivil
*artillery!
pamplemousse says:
*haha
'      dart.        says:
*adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl
*that was fredrick or friedrich depending on where they came from
*hence i conclude that they should have more artillery posts at football matches
*let them play a bit of dodgeball at the same time

2009-12-15T10:18:00.004+08:00

The potential of the subconscious is so great,

it can make the conscious mind and body cower in such terror;

What more proof need one for power?

The trade-off to lucid dreaming
is the ability of your Hell to scald.

Never before had I so intensely wished daylight come quicker.
Lest, unlike in dreams, I be trapped in my mortal shell when the Devil knocks at my door.
So I held myself and my own, against Cruelty and Madness.
And as a baby fearing its birth,
So I feared Death.

2009-12-13T21:46:00.001+08:00

"

Modern science demonstrates the dependence of consciousness on the brain, verifying that the mind must die with the body. This conclusion is emotionally difficult to accept.

Dylan Thomas forcefully expresses the animosity that many of us feel toward the prospect of our inevitable extinction: "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" (Lamont 211).

Miguel de Unamuno expresses similar feelings: "If it is nothingness that awaits us, let us make an injustice of it; let us fight against destiny, even though without hope of victory" (Lamont 211).

Bertrand Russell comes to a different conclusion: "I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation. Happiness is nonetheless true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting" (Edwards, "Immortality" vi).

I must admit that, when confronted by the death of someone close to me, or contemplating my own inevitable death, I am not comforted by such words of wisdom. Nevertheless, we cannot base our beliefs on what we want to be true; the truth can only be found by weighing the evidence for a given idea.

"

-The Case Against Immortality.

2009-12-09T11:01:00.001+08:00

Like the Cullens, my blog has come back from the dead for a short while for a meaningful purpose.

NEW MOON IS A F@*&ING WASTE OF TIME.

Even when we TRIED to entertain ourselves by throwing popcorn throughout the show and making inappropriate comments during awkward scenes (CEDRIC'S ALIVE!), we reached a consensus. (see above paragraph for more details)

Bella, quit your moping. I don't know how anyone but erratic Edward and boisterous Black could give a SH!^ about how freaking useless you are. Riding a bike? Go ahead, don't forget to ACCIDENTALLY set the gas tank on fire. Going cliff diving? Go ahead, please keep in mind to ACCIDENTALLY hit a rock on your way down. "Let's have a vote whether Ms Swan should be a vampior!" KILL 'ER FOR F@*&'S SAKE. "You can't hurt each other without hurting me!" WHO GIVES A SH!^.

Hi Edward! YOU'RE A PAWN. "Sorry Bella, I has to leaves you nao coz the last 4628 times you almost died in my arms almost gave me a heart atta- I mean, I don't care 'bout you no more. Go f@*& a dog." (which she promptly (almost) does.) Imma commit suicide by strippin' in front of a huge crowd! AND SPARKLING. *cue Jenny Owen's Hot In Here* Sparkling water is vampior blood. Every time you take a sip, Bella falls down once.

Jacob you COW. WHY. HOW would ANYONE fall for that female doofus. Only reason you're even marginally acceptable is coz Bella looks like a 50 year old sleep-deficient emo kid. "I'm not good." I bet Meyer made you say that to make Bella's low self esteem seem infectious.

AND WHAT'S WITH THE TENDENCY TO STRIP IN FRONT OF HER. HUH. VERY FUN MEH. *sparkle*

Personally, the only characters I like in the movie are Charlie and that Japanese dude (who promptly (guess what?) died of a heart attack.) And the Vampior Owners. The Voltutti or something. But that's only coz one of them (Michael Sheen) is one of my favourite actors (for playing my favourite Roman Emperor; WHY IS HE IN NEW MOON). Just look at their faces. Just look. How much are they even paid to take the film seriously enough NOT to burst out laughing at Bella's constant bumbling?

*Jane casts Crucio*
*Cedric writhes in pain, 'cept this time he doesn't die.*
Bella: KILL ME!
Me: KILL HER.

Oh good lord. The director's a guy.

This is exactly why film reviews haven't been too harsh on Twilight (in comparison to what they COULD'VE been). After two and a half hours of a 40 year old hag's wet dream, you'd be starting to wonder (if you can) how many brain cells you have left. Where has all the goodness in the world gone?

ALSO. This is EXACTLY what I was talking about in multiple previous posts. See where the world is going to? Remember when I mentioned the competition to create most absorbent tampon or something? This is like that. Countless teenage dimwits are sucked into the (fake) fantasy world of teenage sex and consumerism. All that money could be used (by now) to make some giant space ship or to sponsor researches in various sciences. What's Meyer gonna do? Increase the salaries of the monkeys stationed at her typewriters? Buy them more cocaine?

The thought of it is just so...

..disgusting.

2009-11-28T16:51:00.001+08:00

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die, because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place, but who would, in fact, never see the light of day, outnumber the sand grains of the Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keese, greater scientists than Newton; we know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively outnumbers the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupifying odds, it is you and I, in our ordinaryness, who are here. We, the privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds; how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state, from which the vast majority has never stirred."

2009-11-27T10:21:00.001+08:00

2009-11-19T18:42:00.001+08:00

2009-11-18T23:15:00.002+08:00

WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP WEP

Hmm, WEP is awsum. :D

(We're working in a hotel if you guys didn't know)

There was this woman at the lift lobby? Then when she said 'I'm from California' I had this strange urge to sing "WELCOME TO THE HOTEL (pause here for pun) CALIFORNIA~" *guitar* DWAAAAAAAANG

Okay so my guitar strings broke so I can't play that song. Dayum!

BUH standing there would actually be quite fun if I were a bit more confident that I'm not screwing things up. I think I am. D:

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

kbai.

2009-11-04T21:47:00.001+08:00

2009-10-24T11:49:00.001+08:00

2009-10-21T19:01:00.001+08:00

Original:

Theme song for 第8号当铺, the awsum series I'm watching now. Then comes along Google translate with the lyrics!

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=zh-CN&u=http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/47323731.html&ei=rOneSsyoAYTe6APty4GrDg&sa=X&oi=translate&resnum=2&ct=result&ved=0CBIQ7gEwAQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3D%25E9%25BB%2591%25E8%2589%25B2%25E5%25A5%2591%25E7%25BA%25A6%2B%25E6%25AD%258C%25E8%25AF%258D%26hl%3Den

Black Compact ( "第八号当铺" theme song)
词:jay chan 演唱:杜德伟黯淡的招牌我低头迎面而来街上的灵魂全部可以买卖愚蠢的以为什么自己最爱那些欲望我静静的主宰对魔鬼乞讨虚荣的骄傲黑色的契约像月光下的暗潮Woh Words: jay chan Song: Alex bleak signs I bow oncoming street can buy and sell the soul of all the stupid to why their favorite master of those desires I silently begging for the devil's pride vanity black undercurrent under the contract, like the moonlight Woh
我冰冷地抚摸着你的悲哀Woh~ I am cold caress of your sorrow Woh ~
只是交换没有爱漆黑的窗外说不出的阴霾墙上的影子单纯已经不在脸上的表情残酷没有期待狂风掠过我跟你谁才腐败对魔鬼乞讨虚荣的骄傲黑色的契约像月光下的暗潮Woh Exchange without love is just a dark shadow on the wall outside the window the shadow of unspeakable longer a simple expression of his face did not look forward to the cruel wind swept before I tell you who is begging the devil of corruption on the vanity of the proud black deeds of the undercurrent, like moonlight Woh
我冰冷地抚摸着你的悲哀Woh~ I am cold caress of your sorrow Woh ~
只是交换没有爱放弃继续都一样谁主宰谁会快乐谁会受伤全部将结束在这个地方手枪在尊严里慢慢上膛孤寂是我最后的印象Woh But the exchange did not let go of love are the same who will be happy who is dominated by all who were injured will end in this place of dignity slowly loaded pistol is my last impression of loneliness Woh
我冰冷地抚摸着你的悲哀Woh~ I am cold caress of your sorrow Woh ~
NoNo 只是交换没有爱Woh~ NoNo is exchanged without love Woh ~
你冰冷地凝视着我的悲哀Woh~ You have to stare at me cold and the sorrow Woh ~
只是交换没有爱 But the exchange did not love

2009-10-19T11:32:00.002+08:00

' dart says:
testa does not appear in the embryo!
SO THERE
ha
Wesley says:
who cares
' dart says:
THE BIO TEACHERS
ha
Wesley says:
the stamen doesnt either
' dart says:
who cares
Wesley says:
THE BIO TEACHERS
ha
' dart says:
the pedicle doesnt either
Wesley says:
this is getting no where
' dart says:
I KNOW RIGHT
LAAAAAAWL
adh is secreted by the
Wesley says:
LONDON SMOG KILLED 4000 PEOPLE
PENIS
' dart says:
pituitary gland!
YAY
Wesley says:
WRONG
IT'S POSTERIOR PITUITARY GLAND
HUR HUR HUR
like your posterior?
' dart says:
PENIS
Wesley says:
AHAHAHAHA
' dart says:
wait that's testosterone
ADH
Wesley says:
._.
' dart says:
IS SECRETED BY THE PITUITARY GLAND
IN YOUR BRAIN WORMS
Wesley says:
THE PENIS DOES NOT SECRETE TESTOSTERONE DAMMIT
' dart says:
technically speaking
NO IT DOENS'T
HA I WIN
Wesley says:
._.
yea it doesnt
it's the testa

2009-10-15T16:08:00.002+08:00

Hail Life!

For today the greatest embodiment of Life was born!

He who showed me my world, taught me my world, gave me my world. He who meant my world!

Hence Hail!

For today, my Life was born!

2009-10-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

We wonder why it is that when people refer to the past, they always draw reference to the back, or what is behind one.

One can say it is because one walks forward, and what is past is what is behind, but one does not account for he who walks backwards! He who looks not at the goal, but at the past or present, and walks from there.

One can say it is because one looks forth to what comes next, but can one really see the future with as much clarity as one sees a wall inches away from one's face? Does one really turn one's back on the past, completely immersed in the future?

O, what a chore it is! To have to both regret the past, and worry about the future!

2009-10-10T21:25:00.001+08:00

' dart. says:
check this out!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Frog_vivisection.jpg
Wei Xuan says:
oh fuck
that is uber disgusting disturbing
!!!!!!!!!!!!
O.O
O.O
O.O
O.O
O>o
DAMNNEUUUU
but its sort of cute actually
O.O
' dart. says:
.__.

2009-10-09T21:41:00.003+08:00

Hello all! Immah back. For no apparent reason either.

Okay, these few days've been boring much. Went to school, did nothing at all, came back home, finished everything I would've done in school if I actually paid attention to the teacher(s). Whups.

Reminder to self: Get a copy of Dante's Inferno after EOYs.

Now, the lot of you might be wondering something along the lines of thus:

HUR WAI AR J00 ONLAIN J00 IZ SAPOSD TO B OFF WH4T I5 WR0NG W1TH J00 J00 5UCK5 1 4M 1337

Hence my answer to such a logical, sensible question is something of the lines of: Purpose! I abstain, but for what purpose? We do what we do, but for what purpose? Purpose, purpose, purpose.

Thou saith: To concentrate on studies! Can I not concentrate on studies and play at the same time? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, after all. As much as one makes use of his day, one must also not neglect his night.

Thou saith: To prove to yourself that you are strong-willed! If I am strong-willed, do I not know already? And is this strong-will applicable to subjects devoid of purpose, or would it, in such a case, be transformed into blind fervour? And then again, prove to myself for what purpose?

Thou saith: To show them your restraint! For what purpose? If they understand me, I need not show any restraint for they know me for who I am. If they do not understand me, nor seek to try, then show is meaningless. Why prove oneself to society if one already knows one's constituents?

Hence I gladly declare, I cast away this heedless purpose, lest I be accused of motive.

Rather, I shall make time for both, that I won't go overboard on either side. What joy! WHAT JOY. *launches Dark Crusade* You'd think I spent the past few days of abstinence trying to justify the breaking out of my abstinence. BUT YOU'RE WRONG.

Here are a few sentences to 咀嚼 on!

What one can describe in a portrait, one should not waste a thousand words painting.

Is capacity for insanity prerequisite for pursuit of deviant knowledge?

P.S. I celebrate my first lucid dream since my Reformation. :D

2009-10-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

Awake!

Awake, thou happy sleeper; thus his inner voice ranted. But alas! his sleep was too happy.

Awake!

Look outside, lest ye miss thy mark! And he did.

For when he opened his eyes he saw before him none of his memory. And the wanderer sulked for a minute, and then he said to himself thus: “What harm is there in walking? Before stupidity became a fashion, were they not used to walking?” And so he walked.

And along his way he pranced and preached, “Hail he who hurries! How he misses no wave!” And upon distancing himself from the start by a mile, he came across a young woman, or the young woman came across him, for she was the prettiest thing for distances; her hair smooth as silk, hanging from her head like a curtain, eyes piercing, nose sharp, skin as fine as that of a baby. Yes, she was the prettiest thing for distances, and he very well knew.

As Lilith she approached the wanderer, and thus she said: “Hello stranger, you look worthy of contentment! You who have no worries, you who have no restrictions. You are a free spirit; a spirit without societal morals. You who follow not, but lead! Take me to your home, that I may bestow upon thee the pleasure and gratification of a hundred, and that I may enjoy the pleasure of your company.”

And the wanderer said unto her, “Begone, wretch! For you, albeit perfect in appearance, promise the world but deliver nothing! You who promotes infidelity, bah! Begone! What have I to gain from thy company? You tempt beggars with shiny coins, only that they may realize that they are not of gold. You succubus, you harbinger of Temptation, it is your master who tricked me from my Eden! Hence begone!”

Thus he bade farewell to Temptation, and he continued to traverse a distance, and he came upon a young man. He was dashing in appearance; blonde hair and bright face, his sleek appearance seemed to strike at every person who walked by, and his pale blue eyes seemed deluded and lost in the clouds, yet clear as drinking water.

As a Narcissus he caught the wanderer by the eye, and thus he said: “Ave, stranger! What charm, that you may stare at me, and that I may stare back! Surely, you are aware of your circumstance; surely for that, you feel content! Upon a pedestal the gods have placed me; an Adonis! For as I am, beautiful and knowledgeable, I am proud, and thus do I welcome you to join me at the apex of the world.”

And the wanderer said unto him, “Insult! that I may be compared to thee. You who preach self-glorification and contempt, you who place your gifts unto an unreachable platform to be untouched by all. Your Pride is unparalleled! You Satan, you Lucifer! Burn you will, for your Pride. I say not that it is ill-placed, but I say unto you, pride should never transcend into arrogance; the former is justified, the latter unforgivable. Be discontent, that you may strive towards contentment. Thus start on your Pride, you must!”

Hence the wanderer left Pride thinking, before he went on his way. He shook his head in disappointment, that these encounters sapped his energy so. And then, in front there materialized a figure, and just when the wanderer felt despair, there came the figure’s voice.

And it said: “Fear not, for I am your Self. I am your Simple Will, and with me you will walk.”

And thus they walked, and although not a word was said, the two worlds intertwined and mixed, for fascinating worlds they were, so much so that they could not be constrained in the mind.

Here! The wanderer could see his destination in the distance. Then, his Simple Will said thus: “Carry me wherever you go, into the abysmal depths of knowledge and inquiry, by the pestiferous influences of society, that you may not lose thyself in the myriad of immorality. ‘Twas you who called me, ‘twas you who found me, now you must use me, your Will to Power, that your goals be fulfilled.”

And here the wanderer came steps away from his destination, and he hugged the mysterious figure and bade it goodbye, for he knew he had found his own Simple Will. Thus he continued walking from that day forth, but it felt different now, for he no longer walked as society, but he walked as himself. And he was so tired upon entering his abode that he immediately retired to his bed, lest another encounter look for him at his doorstep, and he be too tired to answer.

-------------

Okay, as y'all can tell, I am going to shut down my computer for two, three weeks. For thus I say no to temptation and contempt, and START MUGGING FOR EOY. Mhmm. I won't be online AT ALL!

So yes, goodbye all! May fungus not grow on my motherboard while I am away!

2009-09-25T21:17:00.002+08:00

"Ignorance is bliss".

Ignorance is relative.

Ignorance of trivial, irrelevant things is justified.
Ignorance of distant, unknowable things is justified.

Ignorance of matters concerning one, especially if said matter is another, is unjustified.
Ignorance of matters of the heart, emotions, feelings, urges, is unforgivable.

What has one gained from morals and guilt,
besides 'self-fulfillment'?
'self-contentment'?

And what more can one gain from impulse and action,
other than 'self-discovery'?
'self-exposure'?

'Amor fati';
The love of fate and its consequence; the self.

Let one's desires fly;
Only then can we fly with them.

2009-09-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

Truth; what for?

Once had, what else is there but to accept?

Truth is found, never given.

Truth is self-discovered, never imposed.

Truth is constantly redefined, never a definition.

We find, we discover, we define Truth
by interpretation of what we see, touch, sense and feel,
and since everyone sees, touches, senses and feels differently,

How can there be One Truth?

2009-09-23T22:23:00.002+08:00

The days when the purpose of my words were tears; they are not today.

For today my words are to inspire doubt, thought; everything undesirable in civilised man.

2009-09-21T16:57:00.003+08:00

Ignorance is bliss,

Sobriety a curse.

When making important decisions,
One must never be allowed to know exactly what one is doing.

2009-09-20T21:59:00.004+08:00

.."murdered her as surely as if I had cut her little throat with a knife. Yet the roses are not less lovely for all that. The birds sing just as happily in my garden. And to-night I am to dine with you, and then go on to the opera, and sup somewhere, I suppose, afterwards."

"How extraordinarily dramatic life is! If I had read all this in a book, Harry, I think I would have wept over it. Somehow, now that it has happened actually, and to me, it seems far too wonderful for tears."

"Here is the first passionate love-letter I have ever written in my life. Strange, that my first passionate love-letter should have been addressed to a dead girl. Can they feel, I wonder, those white silent people we call the dead? Sibyl! Can she feel, or know, or listen? Oh, Harry, how I loved her once! It seems years ago to me now. She was everything to me."

[..]

"but I am glad you don't think I am heartless. I am nothing of the kind. I know I am not. And yet I must admit that this thing that has happened does not affect me as it should. It seems to me to be simply like a wonderful ending to a wonderful play. It has all the terrible beauty of a Greek tragedy, a tragedy in which I took a great part, but by which I have not been wounded."

[..]

I fancy that the true explanation is this: It often happens that the real tragedies of life occur in such an inartistic manner that they hurt us by their crude violence, their absolute incoherence, their absurd want of meaning, their entire lack of style."

"They affect us just as vulgarity affects us. They give us an impression of sheer brute force, and we revolt against that. Sometimes, however, a tragedy that possesses artistic elements of beauty crosses our lives. If these elements of beauty are real, the whole thing simply appeals to our sense of dramatic effect."

"Suddenly we find that we are no longer the actors, but the spectators of the play. Or rather we are both. We watch ourselves, and the mere wonder of the spectacle enthralls us. In the present case, what is it that has really happened?"

...

Wilde and Nietzsche, I thank thee.
You have taught me to take life by the hand.
Taught me to be a spectator of my own life,
And if I am scarred,
How to appreciate tragedy.

'The whole is greater than the sum of its parts'. -Aristotle.

For my life, and my Life, I owe thee everything.

For the Sun rises tomorrow regardless,
And time passes and my face grows a moment older;
Tragedy does not stop time.

"Yet the roses are not less lovely for all that.
The birds sing just as happily in my garden." -DG, Ch 8.

And the next page is yet to be writ.

2009-09-20T14:06:00.003+08:00

Mush: What do you call a person who fasts ah?
Greg: Uh, Moslem?
Mush: No, I think they're called fasters.
(cue awkward silence)
(the rest of us burst out laughing)
Me: Now you know what they were shouting during your 2.4!
Mush: No what! Its true! You know, its like how a pastor pasts-
(cue awkward silence)

Realize, oh realize!
We never say Goodbye, for we believe in a tomorrow.
We never say Good Luck, for success is not always great, neither is always succeeding great.
We never say Take Care, for what joy can be had if care is taken?
We never say Farewell, for we bid you fall, awaken, and crawl up, again and again.

We say to thee: Have fun.

For it constitutes the joy in life.
For Id is the only guiding force we have.
For mistakes are the only things we regret not.

For this life is too short to be misused,
Yet long enough for misuse.

2009-09-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

As a distant dream,

One that cannot be relived.
One that cannot be revived.
One that cannot be recollected.

And as memories slip away detail by detail, we see no purpose in remembering.

Hence to my past I say: so long.

Goodbye, for that day was the last day I smiled for real.
Farewell, for we walk through time, regardless of our attachments.
Godspeed, lest the same damage is met.

And look forth, for with our past, we create new memories. We carve new symbols, we walk new paths, we face new regrets. Every step we take; we change things forever. There's no turning back.

Hence to tomorrow I say: welcome.

For I can never live this life again.

2009-09-18T20:05:00.001+08:00

Just a little somethin~